First (and last) dates

Two truths and a lie: first date edition…

A) At the end of the date, the 6’4″ gentleman offered to walk me home, then bent down, hooked one arm between my legs and threw me over his shoulder like a fireman. After one block of kicking, resisting, screaming, and curious stares from strangers, he put me down. I thanked him and told him I’d walk the rest of the way myself, at which point he leaned in for a kiss. No, sir.

B) After hosting an event at a custom men’s boutique, the owner’s publicist called me at work to tell me the owner, whom I neither met nor spoke to at the event, was interested in taking me out sometime. After a series of awkward emails, we arranged drinks. I arrived to find a dapper man, in a custom suit (obviously), approximately 12 inches shorter than me. We made it through one drink before he hailed me a cab, hopped on his Vespa, and sped away. Good riddance.

C) I met this handsome gentleman at my local watering hole the week before. We enjoyed a lovely dinner, wine, dessert, then ventured to the nearest dive bar for an aperitif. As we sipped our Natty Lites, he informed me that, despite having told me the week before that he was a 28 year-old lawyer living on the upper east side, he was, in fact, a 30 year-old law student living at home. Noted.

To clarify, there were no second dates for these truths.


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