Autocorrect

Some autocorrect mistakes are universal, for example…

-No one ever thinks that’s “bull shot”
-I have several friends named Kate, but I’m running LATE
-Ducking is for tall people, not explicit text messages

And some autocorrect mistakes are exclusive to me…

Several years ago, I broke up with an incredibly tall, dark, and handsome man, who will make someone else very happy one day. A couple weeks prior, I lent him one of my absolute favorite DVDs, The Pink Panther, for his sister’s viewing pleasure; Steve Martin version, obviously. I then terminated the relationship and completely forgot about the DVD, until my older sister came to visit and specifically requested a Pink Panther viewing one evening. Though I told her it was lost in the divorce and I didn’t want to reopen any wounds that had healed since the breakup weeks earlier, she insisted that I text him to get it back.

I shot him a quick text and went on with what I can only imagine was an absolutely fascinating day in the life of 25 year-old Stefany, until he replied “umm what?” At this point, it is probably worth noting that I was working with an old school Samsung flip phone. When I opened his text, it didn’t show me a full conversation or give any context or include a quizzical emoticon, it was a simple, timestamped reply. A bit befuddled, I started to reply explaining, once again, that I was sure about ending the relationship and I wasn’t trying to use Steve Martin as a manipulative tool of reconciliation, when I realized I should probably recheck the original text I sent.

Lo and behold…”Hey, how are you? Can I have my pink panties back for when my sister visits?”

After some clarification, I decided the movie was probably an adequate consolation prize for the years spent dating me.

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