G: Do you have an iPad, shorty?
Me: No, I just have my iPhone.
G: Oh, hmmm. Huh. Well, do you have a way to read the Times?
Me: Granny, I’m in New York. I can just go buy it.
G: Okay, well, there’s a story I want you to read in the Dining section, but go straight there. Don’t look at anything else. It’s so depressing. I don’t know why everyone wants to kill each other these days!