I’ve decided that I don’t care to share much of my personal life on this public forum, but there are a few things you should know about my gene pool in order to better understand me…
The patriarch: no man will ever compare. For my sake and the sake of all men, please stop trying. If you insist on trying, know that you’ll likely end up in his next book. If that’s a chance you’re willing to take, mazel, you’re already ahead of the pack.
The matriarch: you know those moms who can lift a car off their child with the fuel of adrenalin? This woman is always in that state. Not only for her children, but for anyone lucky enough to be in her life. I don’t know how a heart so big fits into a body so small and still has room to love Prada.
Older sister: if you mess with me or anyone in her carefully-selected inner circle, it’s been nice knowing you. The only thing stronger than her lioness spirit is her vicious rhetoric. Sorry you’re not on her side; I am and I can’t imagine life on any other side.
Younger sister: she too will destroy you if you hurt me, but she’ll then clean and bandage your wounds. This one was made to be a caretaker. For me, for my family, for kittens that look like they’ve been electrocuted, for the degenerates of Baltimore.
Younger brother: you know that guy that walks into a room and suddenly has the entire crowd around him? That’s my brother. Not your brother, my brother. I think I’m hilarious, until I’m with my brother. He’s hilarious, charming, and Mr. Congeniality. Once he has your attention, he’ll probably try to sell you an insurance policy.
It’s a hodgepodge of personalities and characteristics that defines me, defends me, challenges me, protects me, and makes me who I am. And also, we’re really, really, ridiculously good looking.