Your Inner Fatty

We all have an inner fatty. Sometimes it’s an outer fatty…perhaps, first semester freshman year. I’d post pictures, but I’m not drunk. For the record, my feelings are delicious.

Regardless of how much effort you put into staying in shape, there are certain things in life that will always make you feel like a fatty:

A) the number of utensils included in your seamless order. Nope, just me, but I’ll hold onto these other two sets just in case.

B) the massage feature on a pedicure chair. Your options are: upper body jiggle, lower body jiggle, or fully body jiggle.

C) Alessandra Ambrosio. Unclear how she’s birthed two humans, since she’s clearly not one.

D) arms. We all know the tricks. Strategically placing your arm on your hip in every picture fools no one into thinking your arms don’t flap like jello wings when you brush your teeth.

E) Subway’s $5 FOOTLONG. The six-inch isn’t enough, but “there’s NO WAY I could finish a footlong!” Yeah, you can. You probably want to just reading this.

Enjoy lunch!

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