Flirting 101

I often (/never) get asked for advice on the best way to pick up girls. Though the honest and thoughtful answer would involve an elaborate explanation about how each girl is different and should be treated as such, I don’t tend to do honest and thoughtful. Instead, my advice is as follows…

1. Don’t. Seriously. You’re going to make an ass of yourself and I’m going to feel like an ass rejecting your weak attempt to inspire love and/or lust.

If you must…

2. The ultimate goal is some degree of laughter. As Marilyn Monroe once said, “If you can make a girl laugh, you can make her do anything.” For the record, I think I’m hilarious, so whatever you’re about to throw my way will likely be punished with a quick whip of wit. If you can take it, we’ll probably banter for a bit. Congratulations, sir.

3. If whatever you’re about to say could be categorized a “pick up line”, shut your mouth.

4. Have a wingman? Use him. Girls don’t go out alone; if she is alone, she’s waiting on a date, so step off. Batman needs Robin to keep the friends entertained. This is not a solo mission.

5. Look around. If we’re at a bar, we came to drink; help us do that, and we’ll give you the time of day. Buying a girl a drink is the simplest and most effective way to get her attention.

6. If (and when) you’re rejected, bow out. When a girl politely denies your flirtation attempt, she’s not playing hard to get. Know when to admit defeat and don’t take it personally. Honestly, we don’t even know you, how can you really take it personally?

In all fairness, the fact that you’re even seeking advice on picking up girls is ridiculous. You’re over thinking it. We’re people, not land mines.

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